Vancouver and a couple of things I forgot

Street scene

Street scene

Forgot stuff first.

The flight over with Air France was pretty uneventful. Cape Town to Paris was just like any flight south to north, but the Atlantic hop was a real drag and seemed to go on for ever. Fortunately, Air France’s code share with Delta Airlines meant that the seat back video was chock full of interesting watching. I started with Cirque de Soleil’s Worlds Away.

Did you know CdS had made a movie? I didn’t and this one really rocked me on my heels – like a 21st century Fantasia, full of people floating through the air, extraordinary visuals, costumes and fantasy characters. It was brilliant and I’ve just managed to track it down on Amazon and will be buying the DVD. For a reason I don’t understand, it doesn’t seem to be on iTunes :-(

Senses reeling, I then watched Dave Grohl’s (Nirvana, Foo Fighters) semi-documentary called Sound City, the story of the LA recording studio of the same name. It’s chock full of historic footage, names and faces from the 60s, 70s and 80s, plus way too many household names to mention here. Suffice to say, an electric Bo Diddly-style mandolin-playing Paul McCartney plays the closing song with Grohl – and it’s a blast. Definitely a must watch.

Something else I forgot. The US now has a law which prohibits a dawdling driver from accumulating more than five cars in his wake. Five followers and you are required to pull over and let them pass before resuming the road. If you’ve driven the R44 from Gordon’s Bay to Rooi Els, you’ll know how badly we need similar legislation – and cops who give enough of a flying fuck to enforce it, of course.

So, there you have it.

Continues…

Downtown Vancuver

Downtown Vancuver

Downtown Vancuver

Downtown Vancuver

Vancouver? Loved it.

It’s easy to see why. Vancouver is a small city – probably not much bigger than Jozi – snuggled against mountains on one side and the huge Strait of Georgia inlet on the other. Ferries prevail and moment by moment, we were reminded of Auckland, Perth and the Jersey side of the Hudson opposite the old WTC.

Light, clean and easy to get round, the city and it’s inhabitants made us entirely welcome and I feasted on smoked chicken wings, while Mrs P got all excited about a plate of polenta battered prawns in Gastown (the re-made turn of the century suburb). The following evening, we re-mortgaged the house to a restaurateur in Yaletown and ploughed our way through an extraordinary dinner of oysters, prawns in a citrus and garlic broth for me and crab cakes with a thai dressing for Di.

Oh yes, we discovered poutine too. I don’t think it’s very French, but seems to have had its genesis in Canada’s French population.

What is it? Sublime is what it is; take a plate of freshly fried chips – made with real potato and not the reconstituted starch most places serve. To your steaming pile of spud love, add a large handful of curd cheese, cut into (appx.) 10mm cubes and then a large ladle brimming with rich, unguent brown meaty gravy. Eat immediately.

We didn’t expect to find a new food staple on this trip, but poutine it is.

Continues…

Dinner date

Dinner date

Rodney's seafood restaurant

Rodney’s seafood restaurant

Rodney's seafood restaurant

Rodney’s seafood restaurant

And that was Vancouver. Aside from an unusually high number of (seemingly) harmless odd-bods, lurchers, people with blue hair and public dope smokers, it’s a pretty standard city and if it isn’t on your bucket list, it should be, it’s great.

Continues…

Appropriate entrance

Appropriate entrance

Just two hours drive – we are in a Fiat 500 after all – north of Vancouver is Pendleton and 6km beyond that, Mount Currie. Here we find the Hitching Post Motel, run by a hugely helpful Asian gentleman. Our room is big, clean, self catering, has a massive air conditioner. Just as well, it’s 29C outside.

The Internet doesn’t work though and our host has no crue how fix. Oh well, it’s been a slow kind of day, but I was hoping to stream some Super 14 action and maybe the F1 qualifying in the morning. Watching the Cheetahs win again would have been most entertaining – they didn’t :-(

Oh well, back to mountain, waterfall and stream watching.

Continues…

Pemberton morning

Pemberton morning

Pemberton morning

Pemberton morning

Which we did and on our return to the Hitching Post, left the door open to air out our room while domesticity reigned. Washing and various other tasks complete, we settled to watch the most recent season of Justified on our notebook TV.

Note to self: if you leave the door open and the temperature outside is 29C, don’t be surprised when your room fills with huge mosquitoes.

Watching TV and becoming increasingly aware of insects flying in front of the screen, we realise our folly and slam the door. Too late and my always carry reserve of Tabard stick shrunk by another few millimetres. By then there were lots of the buggers and it took a while to find and euthanise them all.

Continues…

Pemberton morning

Pemberton morning

Pemberton morning

Pemberton morning

The next day we leave for Kamloops, a city that has sprung up around the local mining community, in rather the same way that Welkom got started. And, that’s all there is to say. It was an overnight stop, clean and full of friendly people.

Next stop Revelstoke, a small town chosen to make our daily drive comfortable at around 240km.

In fact, Revelstoke turns out to be a major railway junction, with its own museum. The rail line is Canada’s main west-east artery and the gateway to the Kicking Horse Pass, site of the extraordinary spiral tunnels. I’d heard of this geological wonder and seen pictures, but never imagined we’d be driving right past the observation platform. That’s for tomorrow however.

Today, we visit the museum and gawk as trains that must measure more than a kilometre in length inching past, hauled by twin diesel 4400HP locomotives, strengthened by another mid-train and a pusher at the rear. The trains seem to be hauling either Canada’s agricultural wealth to the ocean, or it’s imports into the hinterland. Either way, they are huge, many times the size of freight trains in South Africa.

As the day dwindles, we dine on prawns, a burger and fine local dark amber ale in a local bar and once back in our room, catch a couple more episodes of Justified before a weary lights-out.

Monday – on the road

En route to Lake Louise, we surmount Kicking Horse Pass and discover Canadian Railways spiral tunnels. Intended to overcome rail’s inability to climb a gradient greater than 1:40 and the space limitations imposed by the Rocky mountains, the spiral tunnels form an extended figure eight and present a fascinating view of trains looping over and under themselves.

Continues…

Kicking Horse Pass and CN's spiral tunnels

Kicking Horse Pass and CN’s spiral tunnels

Kicking Horse Pass and CN's spiral tunnels

Kicking Horse Pass and CN’s spiral tunnels

There are any number of images and information on the ‘net, but these pics show the train emerging from the distant portal, while the rest of the consist (below) is still being hauled into the tunnel. The second shot shows how the line snakes back again, with the locomotive(s) just visible through the trees at the bottom, while its train is clearly visible in two other places. The diagramme probably explains it better than I do. The whole thing seems to suspend the possible in favour of the surrreal.

Continues…

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Over the pass and down into Lake Louise. More about that tomorrow.

Tuesday morning. Seattle

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I managed to stay awake until about eight last evening, following a fine dinner of home made Dungeness crab cakes washed down with lots of wine. After that it was all a bit of a blur; KOd by the need to sleep, which I did royally until about 04:30 this morning; lunch time at home.

Since then I’ve caught up with e-mail and happenings in the world. The house I’m a guest in has a ‘net connection that I guess is running somewhere north of 15mbytes/sec, so fast the pages arrive almost before you’ve clicked the button. Damn you and your idle ways, Telkom.

The city is also the home of daily rain, grunge, Nirvana and Pearl Jam. Just outside the city is Redmond, home of the Beast, although their loom in the IT industry has been somewhat blunted by recent techno non-events like the Surface tablet, Windows Phone and Windows 8.

Wednesday – Sunday. Forks, WA

The reason for being here; a gathering of photographers with landscapes on their mind. Run by Ian Plant and Kurt Budliger, the workshop is focussed on the Olympia National Park (ONP), about three hours west of Seattle.

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It’s Sunday as I write, catching my breath after a hectic week of sunrises and sunsets, rain forests, sea mounts, waterfalls, rivers and streams and just about everything in between. It’s been great, but my six and a bit decade old knees and ankles have been acting-up and opted me out of a couple of beach sunset evenings – the long and uneven staircases that provide access to these spectacular areas proved way more than they were prepared to countenance. It’s as though they have their own trade union.

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The photographs making-up this entry were all shot in the ONP, which abounds with streams, rivers, waterfalls and moss-drenched rain forests. If you’re a nature lover, the Park really should be on your bucket list.

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Anyway, it’s been really great and I’ve had a chance to stretch out my photo capabilities in preparation for what’s to come. I’ve also had a chance to meet some new photo buddies and learn a few new tricks. Now, all I need is a bit more sleep.

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Monday – Seattle

Back in Seattle en route to Vancouver on the train at sparrow’s in the morning. Mrs P arrives from Cape Town and Amsterdam about the same time as me, so we’ll meet at the hotel which will be our home for the next three days and compare notes.

In the meantime, I’m going to spend a bit more time trying to beat this morning’s photographs into submission – I’ve failed miserably so far – and join my hosts for a pizza end to my really enjoyable stay here.

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For those of you who haven’t been here, Seattle and the Pacific north west is well worth a visit; a magnificent coastline, bustling city, verdant forests and friendly, helpful people everywhere. The weather in the last couple of days has been unseasonably warm, which has made everything just that much easier than the single digit (celsius) temperatures at the beginning of the week.

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I like America – what’s not to like? It’s clean and in the main, everything works. It’s very sanitary, everything and everywhere exuding a fresh scent of something nice. Perhaps that’s it. It’s just nice.

My sole issue is not the nation’s eating habits, but the expectation of those who provide sustenance as to the volume of food one human being can consume. Buy a ham sandwich in London, or Sydney and you’ll get decent bread, maybe a little lettuce and a slice (two at the most) of cold meat. Here, you’ll find eight or nine slices, doubled over in your sarnie, plus a similar amount of cheese, tomato, lettuce and possibly a sachet of mustard, or mayo.

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Nothing wrong with that, surely? Nope, but most Americans don’t eat it all. They seem to leave as much as a third, which goes in the trash. Ditto, restaurant food. Order a burger and you’ll get a great meal, accompanied by fries bought to your table in a wheelbarrow. More waste.

Eating in the US is no more expensive than elsewhere, aside from the ludicrous expectation of 20% to 25% tip. Sensible portion sizes could achieve two things; reduced eating costs across the board and a drop in food waste that would keep many small nations well fed for decades.

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Tuesday – training for Vancouver

The 7:40 for Vancouver left on time and is currently wobbling its way north along Puget Sound. The ride is unpleasant, unexpected and due (I suspect) to a not completely round wheel which is further compounded by the elevation of the upper deck on which we all sit. Great views, but I really could do without the constant micro-joggling of my internal organs.

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Talking of trains and of considerable note is the preponderance of rail crossings on our route. They are all automatic, unmanned and our train’s driver uses his extremely loud set of horns to warn of our approach. He starts hooting several hundred metres before every crossing and as we pass, there are the cars, all lined up at the barriers, drivers patiently waiting for the train to pass. No-one risks a last second dart across. I’m ashamed that my conversation with a fellow passenger deliberately omitted the South Africans’ willingness to take those risks daily, preferably with 20 or so schoolchildren on board.

More discipline would solve the problem, but then so might decent horns on our trains. Why is it our commuter trains are only equipped with pathetic hear-bugger-all air sirens?

Whatever. I’m en route to Canada and what I am led to believe is a spectacular city, where sometime this afternoon, Mrs P will appear and life will return (largely) to normal.

On the home front, I have been watching the Gupta wedding story unfold and wondering how much longer the ANC, reeling from crisis to crisis, can hold itself together. When Gwede the gnome breaks ranks and makes a statement so openly critical and damning of the activities of our (other) leaders, you have to wonder how long it will be before the big play comes into focus – it’s hard to imagine there isn’t a plan to rid us all of Jake-the-Jizz before he destroys what is left of the ANC and South Africa’s reputation(s).

Westward bound

Sunrise over Greyton

Sunrise over Greyton

The waiting’s almost done; tomorrow evening I’m booked on one of Air France’s iron chickens to Paris and then on to Seattle. As if thirty hours of travelling weren’t enough, that includes five hours sitting around CdG, but doesn’t contemplate the eleven hour time difference between here and there.

Fortunately, I discovered a few Euro while getting my passport out – that’ll help when the boredom sets in and coffee (or beer) is needed.

So, I’m not expecting to be at my sparky best on Tuesday morning when the Olympic Adventure starts in the national park of the same name.

As has become our habit, I started part packing a couple of weeks ago, putting essentials to one side as they come to hand around the house, or fresh out of the wash. It works well for us and as a result, we rarely get that sinking feeling of having left something important behind.

This initial trip is solo – Mrs P joins me in about ten days in Vancouver, but more of that later.

It’s solo because it’s a part of the world I haven’t seen to before and was planned around a get together with a couple of American photo buddies – this gig came up and we all agreed that it was a great opportunity to re-make acquaintances and shoot some fine landscapes. As it turned out, one of the party cried-off with other commitments, but Nancee (NJ Rostad Photography) hung in there and I’m sure we’ll manage just fine without our third photo-musketeer.

That was the plan and as so often happens, I then said to Mrs P that it was a hell of a way for me to go and then just fly back, so why didn’t we think of some travel plans that we could hang on to the end of my US stop?

So, she flies into Vancouver on 7 May, at almost exactly the same time as my train arrives from Seattle. We’ll meet up in the hotel, drop our luggage and go fetch the hire car that will take us about a third of the way across Canada, to Edmonton to be precise. There, we get on a train for the three-and-a-half day journey to Toronto and thereafter all parts east.

More of that nearer the time.

Continues…

Morning mist, Grabouw valley

Morning mist, Grabouw valley

Morning mist, Grabouw valley

Morning mist, Grabouw valley

Looking east, Elgin

Looking east, Elgin

Meanwhile, I have finally solved the photographic conflict which has been scratching at me for months; which camera kit to take?

I’ve been a Nikon user since the early ‘70s and have recently re-discovered my love for these hulking cameras and professional grade lenses. Their downside has always been size and as the years have rolled by, mass.

Regular readers will doubtless recall my more recent love affair with Sony’s mirrorless cameras and lenses from Leica and Zeiss. At a fifth of the weight of Nikon’s offerings, I itched to leave the big guns at home and pop this alternative kit into the bottom of a backpack.

Well no, it wasn’t to be. Despite the stellar optical performance available from the combination, there is a yawning gap in its lens line-up that couldn’t be filled and eventually made the decision for me.

These photographs were shot a couple of days ago – all with an 80-200mm Nikon zoom. I shoot a lot of landscapes this way and there isn’t a realistic equivalent available for the Sony camera, so this time, it stays home.

To give my six decade bod a break, I’ve invested in a wheeled camera case, which looks pretty much like a normal carry-on. In there are two Nikon bodies – all photographers carry a spare on a trip as important as this – some lenses and a bundle of chargers, memory cards, my computer and the general detritus we all drag around with us. Aside from the haul up into the luggage bin on the plane, hopefully, I won’t have to do much other lifting.

Continues…

Clouds before sunrise

Clouds before sunrise

Overberg sunrise

Overberg sunrise

Overberg sunrise

Overberg sunrise

Morning sun, Elgin

Morning sun, Elgin

As I write (Saturday morning), some software updates are downloading, I’m sorting a selection of music to listen to and copying a few TV programmes on to my iPad for the journey and late nights in a hotel. Outside another spectacularly calm Cape autumn morning is unfolding and without too much conviction, I wonder whether I shouldn’t just stay here and enjoy it all – the wind has been battering our piece of coastline since October last year and the respite is pure bliss.

No. It’ll be winter soon enough, with overcast days and the Cape’s (almost) endless drizzle. It’s time to go.

Whining about wine (and food)

OK call me confused. Call me anything – most people do, but this is different.

Wine tastings usually take a well trodden route; smell, sip, assess, judge and comment/mark. It’s easy enough once you get used to it.

Sometimes you find yourself presented with an aberration. In a large Wine Academy tasting, I once found the Delaire red I was sampling smelt of tinned dog food. Fortunately, it tasted slightly better – just.

When asked for my comments I mentioned the odour of canine and was hard pressed not to break into a verse of Vera Lynne-tinged “Whale meat again…” The room found my observation most amusing and red faced, I wondered whether I hadn’t blown the small store of credibility I’d built up. Fortunately, face and reputation were saved somewhat later when another taster also volunteered doggy whiffs and all was well again.

So, almost 150 words to set last week’s tasting – wine and food together. A pairing as it is called.

After what must have been a great deal of thought, planning and work, our hostess served-up a number of different flavoured foods, to be paired with (hopefully) a similar number of different wines.

Food-wise, we were offered asparagus, a dressed salad, fillet steak, chicken, a tomato based sauce, a reduction and some delicious bearnaise. On the wine front, a sauvignon blanc, wooded chardonay, a viognier/semillion/chardonnay blend, a truly South African pinotage and a shiraz.

There don’t seem to be too many guidelines for this kind of tasting and we all set to, starting with vegetable and salad. I decided to mark each taste pair out of five, which proved easier than I’d imagined as you will now discover.

Predictably, green food doesn’t really work with red wine, save for the radicchio in the salad blend, which sparked some interesting notes with a sip of pinotage. The initial interest was quickly forgotten however, as it immediately led to an avalanche of bitterness.

Shining dully was the sauvignon blanc, which was quite soft and didn’t show the massive acidity so beloved of this varietal. As a result, it blended well with the vegetables and even the bearnaise. The red meat and chicken didn’t work at all.

The lightly wooded chardonnay killed just about everything, save (curiously) the bearnaise sauce, which loved the oaky flavour of the wine.

A viognier/semillion/chardonnay blend is something of a rarity and its heavy wooding not surprisingly, dominated everything, sometimes quite nicely.

The reds delivered much as you’d expect; good with red meat, flat with just about everything else.

There’s much more to it, but for me, that’s academic.

When I eat, it is usually for pleasure as much as sustenance. Sometimes, more so. Wine is an adjunct and I’ve been told, critically important in the overall scheme of things.

Not.

One pointer in last night’s tasting was the relative weight of each food and wine. For example, it is easy to understand that fish has a very low taste weight and boeuf bourginon is at the other end of the spectrum.

So too with wines. At the light end, we generally have the chenin blancs and ever popular pinot grigios. Across the spectrum, all the way to pinotage and fruit pudding-y shiraz. Pair a lightly weighted food and a wine with a similar heft and the job’s done.

Surely we could have worked that out for ourselves? Did we really need a tasting?

Yes, we did. It’s now embedded knowledge and as such, much more likely to be remembered and used. That is if you actually get the idea of pairing. For me, the jury is still out.

Rarely is it possible to visit a restaurant and order simple, taste-driven food. For me that would likely be a be steak, bearnaise sauce and pommes frites. Simple and with those tastes, choosing a wine is easy, pair for the steak; a cabernet/merlot blend, or better still, a good solid pinot noir and everything else just seems to fit.

Presented with modern cuisine; lamb, an intense reduction, whiffs of seven or eight vegetables including mushrooms and beetroot, a foam of fresh air and mint, dauphinoise potatoes, a scattering of leaves and petals and where do you go then?

Nowhere, which really accounts for the confusion I started this piece with. I’d want a white while nibbling the vegetable-ettes, a red for the meat and maybe something in between for the other odds and sods scattered around my plate.

That’s three wines and likely even more on the very rare occasions I reach a sweet, or cheese course. At the end, there will be a lake of undrunk wine – by the glass is rarely available and shockingly expensive when it is – the size of the resulting bill and of course, the journey home and dealing with one’s liver the following morning.

I’ll finish as I started; confused.

I’m confused as to why we need such complex tastes and textures beyond their eye candy value. I’m confused about how to pair a wine with anything other than the essential tastes of what I eat and especially, I’m confused about why it seems to matter so much.

Are South African drivers really so bad?

OK. Deep breath. No ranting.

 

More than a thousand South Africans were killed on our roads over the Christmas period and the wailing about it from those responsible for our safety refuses to go away. Some are concerned about the carnage and others, the costs (apparently a measurable slice of the country’s GDP). Whatever the reason might be, most are once again using the opportunity to bemoan the national tendency for rule flouting and bad behaviour.

 

For those of you blissfully ignorant of the problem, the accompanying photograph will give you an inkling of what this all about. It was taken on the steep downhill section of the main road into Rooi Els. Speeding is a problem and so, from the top, the limit is 60km/h and there are double solid white lines all the way down to the sharp (blind) right hand bend visible in the photograph. It’s a dangerous spot and yes, I know I took this photograph from behind the wheel, which makes me just as bad as the other guy – I worked that one out for myself, I’m not proud of it and won’t do it again.

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The house on the RHS is actually the local B&B, whose owners regularly have cause to call out the crane to recover a car that has plunged into their garden, often with fatal results for the driver.

 

So. We have mass misbehaviour and the inevitable response is to call for more legislation and lower speed limits. The latter is questionable and likely to be as blatantly ignored as are the rest of our road rules. It’s also likely to be massively counter productive for the nation as a whole as we are so dependent on road transport. For me, it’s the former – legislation – that’s at the heart of the whole argument.

 

In short, I don’t think that we do need more rules. We just need the perfectly adequate rules we already have to be enforced properly. The authorities last Christmas declared their year-end “Arrive Alive” campaign dead as so many didn’t (arrive alive). To counter the rising toll, they set up thousands of road blocks, stopped more than a million motorists and issued countless hundreds of thousands of fines.

 

Despite that, more than a thousand people died. A static road block is one thing: it’s possible to check for speeding, sobriety, lights, indicators, licenses, tyres and so on. However, it does nothing to stop the moving violations, which seem to be the root cause of the carnage.

 

If you ignore the miniscule fines levied and willingness to not pay them anyway, speeding is so easy. Drinking and driving isn’t quite so justifiable, but the “I’ll take the back route” and “I’m fine, I’ve only had XXX” remains embedded in the national psyche.

 

So, despite some success, in early January, the authorities went back to traffic control as usual – little or none – and our motorists quickly reverted to type.

 

With regard to the picture, the end of the story is that requests to the Province for regular traffic enforcement and/or a speed camera on this section of road have fallen on deaf ears for several decades. As a result, the downhill speeding, overtaking and deaths continue unabated.

 

Might it be that all this bad behaviour can be explained away by human nature as much as anything else?

 

Huh?

 

A parallel: back in the Jozi days, we used to have a friend who was prone to the worst of excesses. He drank too much, was rude and bolshie to any and everyone, drove home drunk, yelled at his wife and who knows what else. In many households that sort of thing happens from time to time and for whatever cause, in the aftermath we talk about it and one partner patiently explains to the other that sort of behaviour isn’t acceptable and how embarrassing it is for all concerned. The sensible take those admonishments on board, grow and we all move ahead.

 

Sadly, this particular friend didn’t have a spouse who was either willing, or capable of telling her husband how out of line he’d been. Blissfully unaware of his social toxicity, he carried on as if nothing had happened, we got fed-up with him and his interpersonal Superman attitude and crossed him and his dandelion spore wife off our social list, never to return. I’m sure he found many similar doors closed in his face and I’m certain he never managed to work out why.

 

A long way ‘round, but I think that the problem on our roads has a similar genesis. It starts with driving instruction and a test that delivers a barely competent and wet-behind-the-ears driver onto the roads with absolutely no clue as to road courtesy, to say nothing of common sense. Unaware, the driver follows the rules of the road as taught, until he/she comes into contact with another similarly uneducated road user, observes their uncontrolled bad behaviour and quickly learns to do likewise.

 

After all, why not? There’s no-one to stop them.

 

Imagine that last sentence were different and we did have effective year-round traffic controls and adequate policing. Backed by fines that sting and lose-your-license point aggregation. I feel certain that with some application and the increasing risk of prosecution, we would see a significant change in the attitude of our drivers, an increase in road safety and a measurable drop in the road death toll.

 

That is the 60% of road deaths caused in vehicle incidents. The other 40% are pedestrian fatalities. How you stop a blind drunk individual from stumbling into the path of an oncoming vehicle is beyond me.

The hive mind

There were five of them. I won’t mention their nationality, but their language sounded just like Afrikaans, only slightly more European. We were in the luggage room at the apartment complex we’d been staying in over Christmas, preparing to leave for Victoria, Gatwick and a week in Marrakech. With two of us there was room and space to sling on a backpack without knocking out the teeth of a fellow occupant. 

 

A crash and five large European people swaddled in multi layered winter clothes then barged through the door, pulling wheeled suitcases and carrying sundry other items of luggage. Suddenly the place was crammed, yet only one of these new inhabitants was doing anything: the rest stood and gawked. In Vietnam, the Americans called it the thousand yard stare: as though they were elsewhere, contributing their joint intellect to the labour of lifting cases.

 

Eventually cases stowed, they left and we restarted swinging our backpacks on and off uninterrupted. They had the last laugh though. Backpacks finally on and comfortable, we emerged and found them outside the entrance to the building, blocking the steps, while one smoked and the rest seemingly contributed to the effort, faces blanked by the sheer industry: contributing simultaneously to the glowing ember and the hive mind.

 

Victoria Station on the afternoon of a pre-holiday Friday. In short, the place is rammed, which is made ineffably worse by loose knots of people standing staring vacantly as one of their number is away buying tickets, or possibly, micturating. The prodigal’s return signals the hive mind awake again and with a jolt or a little tremor, the group realises it is blocking the passage of the hundreds streaming off the Tube into the station concourse and moves, grudgingly away.

 

Possession of the choke point – always the most important part of path, thoroughfare or supermarket aisle seems to be the domain of the hive mind. I think they choose their spots with great care and then inhabit them, blocking everyone and everything while they compute. C’mon, you’ve seen them. Even singly, standing brainless, blocking a doorway, or supermarket aisle, their face vacant while some form of mind-to-mind communication is going on, only to re-boot with a slight twitch and a “sorry, I didn’t see you“. The latter could take several minutes as comms with Beta Centauri is often at the whim of Telkom (in SA), or whoever controls the wet string in your country.

 

Yeah, I know I said I wouldn’t rant, but hauling luggage is hard work, especially when tackling the Underground’s many, many staircases. In winter, the temperature goes from the low single digits to +30C as you move from outdoors to anywhere with a door that closes. Being drenched with perspiration I expect in the Far East, but not London. Currently, the nation is wracked by a vomiting virus and considering the cold outside and the fug inside, it’s not really a surprise.

Fish may contain small bones

That’s what is said on the packet. The “Dear dolt” that usually precedes such messages was noticeably absent and I idly wonder how a fish could exist in any other way.

Sigh. There was I in London, cosseted far beyond my wildest dreams: warned of the obvious and protected from any amount of harmful stuff. The government in the UK is looking after me like fine china, a manner to which living in Africa has made me totally unaccustomed.

I promised Mrs P that I’d wind back the ranting a bit and so I will. Just as soon as I get this off my chest.

Actually, I’m confused. While I see the logic in telling me that fish have bones, or a sign that says the water coming out of the hot tap is hot, even then, I may still choose to ignore my own lifetime of experience and scald myself, heading immediately thereafter for the A&E of the local hospital. But, the hospital might not be able to deal with me and then I might choose to sue. That would further deplete the nation’s reserves and services needed elsewhere* would suffer. Most likely though I’d tell myself what a bell-end I’d been and get on with a sore hand for a day or so.

Long-time psukhe readers will recall the Health and Safety tale about a man who couldn’t work up a ladder until he had a certificate of proficiency and none of you will be surprised at the imprecations we are surrounded by, beseeching us to not stand too near the edge of the platform, breathe fumes, eat five fruit and veg a day, or how detrimental to our health smoking can be.

It’s the same story wherever you go these days and the UK isn’t anywhere near unique. The US is much the same and even good old SA is not beyond a bit of nannying.

Why?

Us baby boomers all had a fair education and seem adequately equipped to deal with the daily stresses of spotting and minding the wet floors and the perils of walking too close to the road. Are our kids less well endowed? What do they have yet to find out that we take for granted?

Probably nothing really, but it does make me wonder whether the nannying isn’t a substitute for some kind of basic schooling, or life skill. If that is true, the cost to the state must far outstrip that of better education. I don’t get it either way.

* If you are in the system, it works the other way around. My father spent eight weeks in the local hospital with a fractured arm in 2011 and countless friends and relatives tell of how once the NHS has you on it’s books, it’s impossible to be free of them.

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